My clinical interest and experience in this area is exceptional. This is not the result of specialized training. It just happens to be the case that, over the years, a number of men have come to me for help with sexual behaviors that distressed them (and their partners, in some cases), and I have often been able to help them find their way out of long-lived patterns.Read More
Most immediately, I mean "my philosophy about psychotherapy," but everything I say here can be extended to my philosophy about life.
We come into this world as a non-person, and, somehow, over the years, we become a person. The process is complicated, fraught with risks, and it never goes perfectly. Never.Read More
No, actually. My initial impulse is to say that that's not what therapy is. But things are more complicated than that.Read More
This is a really complicated matter, and if you were a fly on a wall in a room full of therapists discussing it, you'd very quickly buzz off to another room. I'm going to try to make it as palatable as possible.Read More
British pediatrician/psychoanalyst Donald W. Winnicott, in Home is Where We Start From:
"Your rewards come in the richness that may gradually appear in the personal potential of this or that boy or girl. And if you succeed, you must be prepared to be jealous of your children, who are getting better opportunities for personal development than you had yourselves. You will feel rewarded if one day your daughter asks you to do some babysitting for her, indicating thereby that she thinks you may be able to do this satisfactorily; or if your son wants to be like you in some way, or falls in love with a girl you would have liked yourself, had you been younger. Rewards come indirectly. And of course you know you will not be thanked."
My view is that we are healthier and more able to act freely when we have come to understand where we come from. For an example of just how deep and nuanced such an understanding can be, check out Alison Bechdel's Fun Home. It's a graphic memoir that is hilarious and tragic and emotionally true.
As a general rule, your job in therapy in to speak. This is difficult for some people, and if this is the case, I'm immediately curious about the reason. Often, people speak more freely as therapy proceeds.Read More
This is a word that had escalated in use in the years before the 2016 election, and that fact, not the election, is my backdrop here.Read More
Tough question. There certainly are people for whom therapy may need to be a lifelong commitment, but this is a rare exception. Generally speaking, therapy is not forever. Have I succeeded in reassuring you?Read More
It's not really about insight. I mean, therapy will usually bring insights, but insights do not necessarily bring change.Read More
I am reluctant to describe myself as a specialist. In many cases, when a therapist talks about his or her “specialty,” it’s more a marketing decision than a clinical fact. I’m not saying such therapists are deceiving you. Mostly they’re just describing their work from the perspective of a public that imagines there must be specific solutions to specific problems.Read More
Not all forms of psychotherapy are concerned with the past, but most are. Your therapist wants to understand not just who you are but how you came to be who you are. That means going all the way back - to childhood and even beyond.Read More
Not all professional service providers have a cancellation policy, and not all who have one enforce it. Your chiropractor may hang a sign saying that anyone cancelling with less than 24-hour notice will pay a fee, but will you actually be charged if you get stuck at work and cancel at the last minute? Maybe, maybe not.Read More
Listening - being listened to - is a big part of psychotherapy. Some consider it to be far and away the most important part.Read More